This is a question I’ve been asking myself lately. Am I happy? Does it matter? If it does, how can I get more happiness in my life?
Happiness is a slippery thing. Putting the question under the microscope causes us to doubt its existence. But in a society rampant with depression and anxiety, it’s worth having strategies to ensure our own happiness. What is it? What makes it? Who are the people in this world who would self-identify as being happy, and what are their secrets?
I recently watched a film entitled, appropriately enough, “Happy,” on Netflix. What follows in this blog are thoughts from it, intermingled with my own. Here are a few ingredients in the recipe for happiness:
- Gratitude. This is being grateful for all you have: a roof over your head; strong relationships; a job; your gifts, talents, and abilities; health; etc. We can get so concerned about our lack, that we forget to have a spirit of gratefulness for the abundance we do possess.
- Resiliency. Into every life, a little rain will fall. But humans are actually pretty good at recovering from trials. We think that this thing – whatever it is – is going the be the thing that does us in; but in reality, our trials develop so much in us. They give us patience, perseverance, humility, strength. There’s a thing called “hedonic adaptation,” which is the tendency of humans to return quickly to a relatively stable level of happiness, despite major negative or positive events. Resiliency is a key factor in happiness.
- Close, supportive family and friends. Without exception, people who self-identify as happy in the research for the movie, Happy, cited this as a key factor. It appears that we humans are built for relationships. Also included are intergenerational relationships; that is, the old and the young doing life together.
- Social interaction and interpersonal cooperation. Working on a project with others will deliver happiness.
- Tradition. There is something very anchoring about traditions. They make us feel grounded and happier. Parents, keep repeating those yearly events!
- Compassion. This is a win if you are on the receiving end or the giving end. Included in this are acts of kindness, and maybe bonus points for random acts of kindness!
- Helping make the world a better place. Do good = feel good. Be it by picking up a piece of trash on the sidewalk, volunteering at your child’s school, serving at your local soup kitchen, starting a charitable organization, or simply smiling at the stranger next to you in line at the grocery store, our ways of giving to others around us have an impact on our sense of well-being.
- Personal growth. Focusing on your goals contributes to your happiness. Improving your 10K time, getting better at guitar or painting or writing, improving your day-to-day habits… these all play a part.
- Flow. This is the concept of enjoying something you’re doing so much, that you’d do it all day and without pay, and still derive great satisfaction. Finding something during which you experience “flow” is key to having a happy life. This could be your work, your hobbies, sports, crafts, etc.
- Spending time outdoors. The sights and sounds of nature are good for us!
- Exercise. This stimulates the production of dopamine, which is a feel good neurotransmitter. Exercise doesn’t have to be vigorous for dopamine to have an effect, and is available to all of us, not just elite athletes!
- Play. Watch young children to learn how to do this, and to observe the benefits.
One of the saddest things I learned in this movie is a Japanese term called “kiroshi.” It basically means death caused by overworking, or job-related exhaustion. It has been embedded in Japan’s culture that wealth and production are of primary importance. In the wake of this cultural consciousness, many people are working so hard without reprieve, that their bodies and souls can’t keep up.
Extrinsic goals such as increasing money, image, and status don’t weigh in as improving one’s happiness. Sure, going from homelessness or poverty to having enough to meet basic needs increases well-being. But beyond having needs (and a few wants) met, having fancy cars and big houses and expensive vacations do not seem to increase a person’s happiness. Research has shown that those who’ve gone after those extrinsic goals report feeling less satisfied in life, more sadness and depression, less vital, and less energized in their everyday life.
In contrast, over and over, studies show that happier people live longer and are more productive in their work and personal goals. And the more happiness you have, the more happiness others around you will have.
If you look back on this list, one thing that stands out is that all of this is free. Happiness is a learned behavior, a skill, and is available to all of us. There are many ways for each of us to grow happier.
What about you?
How do you get your happy on?
Love it!